Since I've been taking choline and eating more liver, I've had my dreaming restored. I didn't even know it was a "lucid dreaming" vitamin. I don't care about that, but it was disturbing that I couldn't sleep in any satisfying way, or remember if I'd had any dreams. That's ok for a week, but I had no memory of dreams for past several years. And sleep was getting to be more of a struggle than a rest.
That doesn't mean I can sleep normally. It just means that I can feel more of a benefit from sleep. Any port in a storm, eh?
I never had an issue falling asleep or enjoying sleep, or being rested when I woke up. I consider it a symptom of my illness that I feel like "ugh, it's morning" when I wake up now.
Possible reasons I'm awake at night ( all of these must be fixed if I'm going to get any rest):
- Maybe I took two pain meds too close to each other, this makes me wake up in 2 hours, so I'm careful not to.
- Maybe I'm in physical pain (did I remember to take Celebrex? did I do a bit of stretching before bed?...)
- Maybe I got all worked up about some stupid news story, or I started ruminating about things I can't change
- Maybe I'm trying to wean myself off of having the lights on while I sleep? ( I can't turn them off anymore.)
- Maybe I'm physically hungry, this is becoming more of an issue as I stay up and my body expects to eat every 5 hours or so, even if it's 2 am.
- Maybe I haven't succeeded in standing up long enough to shower in a few days - this make me extremely uncomfortable, so usually my husband makes a bath for me when I'm feeling particularly weak.
- Maybe I forgot to brush my teeth and now they're all grimy and gross?
- Maybe my CPAP is out of water and my throat is drying up?
- Maybe I'm having a night sweat?
- Maybe I'm particularly scared of insects today? This can happen if I saw one earlier or if I know I opened a window because we have noseeums, and those go right through the screens and painfully bite. They also can breed in the sink drains, so we got int he habit of dumping a bit of bleach there weekly.
- Maybe I forgot to give the cats their night snack, yes they will wake me, lol.
- Maybe I'm thirsty?
- Maybe I'm wheezing, it's hard to tell if I'm using a CPAP, but I get a breathless feeling and I sometimes need my inhaler.
- Maybe I have a new infection? Having just a cellulitis infection can set off a bout of insomnia.
All of these are probably because I'm so darn uncomfortable that any little thing will wake me, then I get frustrated, and then I'm angry about being frustrated again, and the anger wakes me. I'm sick of being sick.
The "having the lights on" thing is interesting. I"ve talked to other people who have PTSD or just horror stories in their biography. Everyone I know like that, sleeps with the lights on. Further, I also play a small DVD player (the kind usually used in cars), just so I have something for my mind to focus on. In the past month, I've been trying to sleep with just a normal night light and no DVD. It's amazing how restless and "in danger" I feel.
My biography affects me in two ways, I think, it makes it harder to sleep "properly" and it takes a huge effort for me to change my diet. Once you've experienced poverty to where a single banana is all you get for 4 months, and everything else comes from cans, it's hard to self-deny. Harder. Not impossible, I've done it a lot, even fasting, it's just, I can't dismiss my minds objections as easily as others.
And yes I do see a psychologist.
Have done so for decades. It helps to talk it out and be heard, then I don't have to horrify my friends with the stories I can tell. There's no need to spread the miasma, I'd rather talk about my grandchild, or theirs.