There's obviously a strong tie that binds Mary. I imagine it comes from both of you....
If You Were Healthy Would You Date Your (Sick) Self? An ME/CFS/FM Inquiry
- Thread starter Cort
- Start date
Congratulations!
I just had to post some responses From Facebook - hope they don't mind - I removed the names....
(1) No, I wouldn't. I'm no fun in the condition I'm in, and I know it. Fun is a necessary ingredient in a relationship, I think...and although I really, really, really want to have fun again, I know I can't on any kind of regular basis...like even once a week.
(2) It's a tough one! No is the instant answer, I wouldn't want to be a burden, bore or chore to anyone. I wouldn't want to connect with someone in case it was the caring that attracted incase I got well and no longer fitted the bill! But on the other hand IF and that's a huge IF you happened to 'meet' someone who I just connected with it would be a shame to ignore it! That would never happen tho as I never get out!
(3) I think our answers may be based on how compromised we are, how sick. Right now I am way too ill to even contemplate the topic. I wasn't always. I did date before my condition worsened. I did a lot of things..like sit up, window shop, go to the park for a minute. Way past that now.
(4) Never. I would find myself very boring; Who wants to be around someone who sleeps all day, rarely gets dressed, never cooks or wants to go anywhere. C'mom.. even I find myself boring
(1) No, I wouldn't. I'm no fun in the condition I'm in, and I know it. Fun is a necessary ingredient in a relationship, I think...and although I really, really, really want to have fun again, I know I can't on any kind of regular basis...like even once a week.
(2) It's a tough one! No is the instant answer, I wouldn't want to be a burden, bore or chore to anyone. I wouldn't want to connect with someone in case it was the caring that attracted incase I got well and no longer fitted the bill! But on the other hand IF and that's a huge IF you happened to 'meet' someone who I just connected with it would be a shame to ignore it! That would never happen tho as I never get out!
(3) I think our answers may be based on how compromised we are, how sick. Right now I am way too ill to even contemplate the topic. I wasn't always. I did date before my condition worsened. I did a lot of things..like sit up, window shop, go to the park for a minute. Way past that now.
(4) Never. I would find myself very boring; Who wants to be around someone who sleeps all day, rarely gets dressed, never cooks or wants to go anywhere. C'mom.. even I find myself boring
Anonymous1
New Member
I see her quote (in green) as showing that she can and will overcome anything and will be ok with it.
Yours (in green) is more saying the physical reality (other than the last bit about emotional resilience).
It was nice to have a different take and a different sort of article. You dont see many about ME and dating. It is true what you say about the ME's unstableness. I can get over emotional when more tired and when Ive had less sleep - as can many people without ME.
Its an interesting take but not all aspects are going to be true for everyone. I dont think all of us are going to feel positive all the time. I do appreciate little things but it wasnt always this way- especially when I went thru a period of depression, which many people with ME have.
It does make a change to have a slightly different topic to usual (dating) and I welcome this. I dont know if I'm better equipped than others at dealing with setbacks. I'm perhaps more used to it but the type of setbacks we get with ME, due to ME are very different to those people without ME might have.
I feel uneasy about the poll... I feel like I probably wouldnt date me...but then, I can only see a friend once or twice a year, in my house. Different people with ME have different abilities and I have not truly experienced what someone who is that much above my ability experiences or goes through so I cant answer it for everyone.
It is very sad that her ex said "he couldn't deal with it anymore". A lot of people would say shame on him, but it would be easy enough not to know what you are getting yourself in to. Dating someone would not neccessarily mean seeing them at their bad times. Some I know are hopeful of very significant improvement within the next few years (I have been bedbound and housebound since 2003. I cant say I wont get fully better in this time but realistically and going on what Ive been through...)
I suppose it is a lot to deal with emotionally, dealing with someone else with limitations and PEM. You might not realise quite how badly they are affected sometimes. Perhaps this woman decided to write this when feeling positive after considering her ex and may not have wrote it if he had not said what he had said. This occured to me while writing this.
Yours (in green) is more saying the physical reality (other than the last bit about emotional resilience).
It was nice to have a different take and a different sort of article. You dont see many about ME and dating. It is true what you say about the ME's unstableness. I can get over emotional when more tired and when Ive had less sleep - as can many people without ME.
Its an interesting take but not all aspects are going to be true for everyone. I dont think all of us are going to feel positive all the time. I do appreciate little things but it wasnt always this way- especially when I went thru a period of depression, which many people with ME have.
It does make a change to have a slightly different topic to usual (dating) and I welcome this. I dont know if I'm better equipped than others at dealing with setbacks. I'm perhaps more used to it but the type of setbacks we get with ME, due to ME are very different to those people without ME might have.
I feel uneasy about the poll... I feel like I probably wouldnt date me...but then, I can only see a friend once or twice a year, in my house. Different people with ME have different abilities and I have not truly experienced what someone who is that much above my ability experiences or goes through so I cant answer it for everyone.
It is very sad that her ex said "he couldn't deal with it anymore". A lot of people would say shame on him, but it would be easy enough not to know what you are getting yourself in to. Dating someone would not neccessarily mean seeing them at their bad times. Some I know are hopeful of very significant improvement within the next few years (I have been bedbound and housebound since 2003. I cant say I wont get fully better in this time but realistically and going on what Ive been through...)
I suppose it is a lot to deal with emotionally, dealing with someone else with limitations and PEM. You might not realise quite how badly they are affected sometimes. Perhaps this woman decided to write this when feeling positive after considering her ex and may not have wrote it if he had not said what he had said. This occured to me while writing this.
Brenda Flippen
Member
Glad I went back and read this. Beautiful and true for so many of us.....
Brenda Flippen
Member
Fun can be found on tv, in a movie, a burnt piece of toast or a misspoken word or sentence. But real feelings of respect and careing for another person is more important to me than all the "weekly fun" in the world.(and I have had many fun days in my life, before mecfs, and might have more,.I don't give up easily.)I just had to post some responses From Facebook - hope they don't mind - I removed the names....
(1) No, I wouldn't. I'm no fun in the condition I'm in, and I know it. Fun is a necessary ingredient in a relationship, I think...and although I really, really, really want to have fun again, I know I can't on any kind of regular basis...like even once a week.
(2) It's a tough one! No is the instant answer, I wouldn't want to be a burden, bore or chore to anyone. I wouldn't want to connect with someone in case it was the caring that attracted incase I got well and no longer fitted the bill! But on the other hand IF and that's a huge IF you happened to 'meet' someone who I just connected with it would be a shame to ignore it! That would never happen tho as I never get out!
(3) I think our answers may be based on how compromised we are, how sick. Right now I am way too ill to even contemplate the topic. I wasn't always. I did date before my condition worsened. I did a lot of things..like sit up, window shop, go to the park for a minute. Way past that now.
(4) Never. I would find myself very boring; Who wants to be around someone who sleeps all day, rarely gets dressed, never cooks or wants to go anywhere. C'mom.. even I find myself boring
Someone who will get out at 3am and go to McDonald's for ice cream, because you have a craving is priceless, no not pregnant. And knowing they don't expect pay back, other than love, respect and mutual admiration.For me, that is peace of mind.The kind of love we need.
Snow Leopard
Active Member
If I were to become well one day, then yes.
If I never had been ill in the first place, then I don't know...
If I never had been ill in the first place, then I don't know...
Tina
Well-Known Member
No. Our illness is one that requires a lifetime of committing to caring for someone else. That's a tough sell for someone you are not in love with.
It is true that you might first be friends with someone with ME/CFS and then a spark is ignited and then you make the decision to allow yourself to see where it goes. But the question as written makes the dating seem very casual and to me and based upon my own illness, there is nothing casual about being with, living with or caring for a person with ME/CFS.
It is true that you might first be friends with someone with ME/CFS and then a spark is ignited and then you make the decision to allow yourself to see where it goes. But the question as written makes the dating seem very casual and to me and based upon my own illness, there is nothing casual about being with, living with or caring for a person with ME/CFS.
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