Does Indecisiveness Hurt?

[Cort]

I was struck by this comment on a recent post

"I have found that I can actually make myself much more ill by spending hours/ days before an
event trying to decide whether its wise to go or not. The emotional & psychological stress this produces inevitably adds to my flu symptoms & all the other astonishing & sometimes unbelievabl( even to me!) array of symptoms"

In my experience it's true. Indecisiveness breeds stress. Better to act - take the consequences - then adjust than be immersed in the stress of indecisiveness...

???

 

[GracieJ]

I went through this for weeks and months before every scheduled family gathering. Do I go and get it over with - an emotional trip into the lion's den - or do I stay away for my own sanity? This went on for years, every time there was a picnic or a holiday dinner. I finally wised up to the stress it was causing me and stopped going, stopped worrying. It just was not worth it. Neither was the emotional pain afterward when I did go, seeing how I was seen - broken, inferior, unwise, something or someone needing correction and fixing by beings far superior and in the know. Ha,ha. My energy is worth saving for coping and emotional well-being in my daily life.

 

[GracieJ]

To answer the rest - no one saw me the days following, spending an extra day or two in bed to recover, sometimes missing work, which had other consequences, of course.

(Is there an edit feature I am missing for the posts?)

 

[Who Me?]

I don't know so much if mine is indecisiveness vs knowing the hell I'll be in after I go out.

@GracieJ there is an edit option at the bottom of your post. If you're on your phone you may have to turn it landscape to see all the options. That's what I have to do.

 

[Cort]

I went through this for weeks and months before every scheduled family gathering. Do I go and get it over with - an emotional trip into the lion's den - or do I stay away for my own sanity? This went on for years, every time there was a picnic or a holiday dinner. I finally wised up to the stress it was causing me and stopped going, stopped worrying. It just was not worth it. Neither was the emotional pain afterward when I did go, seeing how I was seen - broken, inferior, unwise, something or someone needing correction and fixing by beings far superior and in the know. Ha,ha. My energy is worth saving for coping and emotional well-being in my daily life.

That brings up a whole other issue - the stress of family gatherings. Nothing and I mean nothing caused me more distress in the first ten or so years with ME/CFS than the family get togethers I looked forward to and was usually shattered by...

I am going to do a poll on this...

 

[GracieJ]

@Cort And I felt so sheepish using that example in response to your post, even knowing many go through that.

 

[Cort]

@Cort And I felt so sheepish using that example in response to your post, even knowing many go through that.

Ha! I'll bet just about everybody goes through it!
Here's a link to the poll

• http://cortjohnson.org/forums/threads/the-family-get-together-poll-are-they-worth-it.2087/

 

[Cort]

To answer the rest - no one saw me the days following, spending an extra day or two in bed to recover, sometimes missing work, which had other consequences, of course.

(Is there an edit feature I am missing for the posts?)

If you're not on a phone you if you hover over the bottom of the post you will see it.

 

[Who Me?]

Guess I'm lucky. No pesky family to deal with. But then there is the issue of having no one for emergencies or help. Loneliness is a pretty huge problem. But I digress.

You can't win either way.

 

[Cort]

Guess I'm lucky. No pesky family to deal with. But then there is the issue of having no one for emergencies or help. Loneliness is a pretty huge problem. But I digress.

You can't win either way.

We're hoping to produce a program to help bring people together and reduce the isolation.

 

[Who Me?]

Forums really help with that. I look forward to seeing what you put together.

Are re you going to add and chat function at some point?

 

[Cort]

We probably will. They're actually rather expensive - almost as expensive as the Forums if you can believe it...We would wait until we are busier to do that.